so kiss me and smile for me

i'm VERY annoyed with blogger. ask me to merge with gmail jiu suan le.. still need me to login in twice everytime. wth. sighs.

been feeling very down these days.. or shld i say have not been having any feelings. just don't feel like talking to anybody.. maybe deep down in my heart, i know where the problem lies.. but i juz do not feel like going abt to face it. because if i do, it's going to be messy. or maybe it's juz a passing feeling.. oh well.

maybe it has got to do with expectations again. i dunno izzit a good thing that i expect too much of people gauging from how much i can give. if i gave my all to find out that the other party hasn't met my standard, i'm greatly disappointed and will start to detach myself away. maybe i view relationships/friendship too importatanly. more often than not, i find that "if i can do it, why can't you?"

i thought i can quit the pretence game already. but apparently, i realized that we still do have to fake our feelings in order to not add burden to anybody.

sometimes it's better to be "blurred" about some things... cos it's really fearful to know the actual truth. like the sudden realization that you thought u know someone inside out.. but there are many other different sides still. sighs.

anyhows. i'm still glad that there's someone i can turn to. my greatest advisor/listener since i'm 13.. it's not that i listen to everything he says. but i juz feel more confident if he agrees with my opinions. wad he says will make me think twice. his experience in life makes me respect him alot. and maybe it's because he only knows me and not any of my other friends.. that's why he can always give me an unbias opinion. it gives me a sense of satisfaction that my England is more powerful than him though. hahaha..
if you're still reading my blog, THANK YOU, YI JIAN. yes, you have that much of an impact on me. (:

well, i hope it's all a phasing phase. things will get better soon.

JAC.jac

- 6:37 PM