so kiss me and smile for me

i'm losing my passion for work BIG TIME... i haven't felt so "out of fire" towards this job until now... sigh.. i dunno wad's wrong with me.

the only thing that seems to be keeping me working in this company now is prolly the pay, the lifestyle i get from my pay, the company being so near to my house and of cos....

the only thing that keeps me wanting to to go work is because of an external factor.. or rather.. because of many other external factors, that is why i'm still staying put.

phuket seems a decade before... i realised i can get tired pretty easily without the passion.. but perhaps, it's the added responsibility that is weighing me down.

SIGH.

i no longer feel the desire to strive to be better to meet kitty's expectations.. i'm rather tired of him. i used to be able to take all his loud shoutings and short tempers... but now.. i simply can't.. esp when i've seen so many examples of nice bosses...

i'm someone who takes it the easy way.. i, myself can give myself a lot of stress as it is.. i don't need someone else to add it on to me. so with him keep raising his voice, being so short-tempered.. i really can't help but to feel like walking out.

i went for a site visit with him today.. looking at all the blueprints make me want to just fall asleep.. and i can't help but to stifle yawns in between... i know it will value add much to my resume and all.. but without the passion.. i just simply, simply am not interested to be there. i feel that it's such a waste of time for myself and the rest of the people to be there - simply because i'm not even interested to be there. i don't want to be there.

i mean come on.. i have better things to do than to stay there to follow him up and down hills and look at blueprints which i know nuts of. i stayed there for 2 whole hours with him.. and every moment just makes me want to quit on the spot. and guess wad.. i'm going back to the same site next week to meet up with the architects to discuss the details. SPARE ME PLS!

i guess he prolly guesses it as well.. cos after that, during lunch.. he ask me something about enjoying work now or wad.. and i gave a very fake shrug. oh well.

i need a dosage of my dr. meow's medicine badly! only he can solve my life's mysteries.. sigh.

anyways.. enough of ranting for a night. tmr crossing the causeway to celebrate a colleague's birthday!!

"Love is troublesome, miraculous, heart-aching and exhilating all at the same time."

JAC.jac

- 9:40 PM