so kiss me and smile for me

been thinking a lot these days.. been worrying alot.. or maybe it's just being paranoia after all.

i've finally picked up the courage to face myself. i've finally made that appointment. i guess it's no use running away from it and making me unable to sleep for countless nights. i'm going alone this time. i haven't tell anybody.. or rather.. i dunno how to broach the subject. anyway.. i'm going to face it.

i guess i'm really a natural worrier.. as felix always say i am too. i dunno whether he is too simple or i'm really too complex. i forgot what was the topic.. but i made a remark that says i die also dunno can go heaven or not.. and i dun want to see that person there.. he replied: "die means die already.. u still go and think so much for wad.. worry about where u will go and who you will see.."

haha.. it seemed meaningless when he said tt then.. but now that i reflect on it.. it really seems true after all. what for worry so much about things i won't know about in the future?

now that it has come to this point.. i think i must really make a decision between work and studies. Though i'm doing a part-time degree; 5 modules a semester is too much for me to work part-time at the same time. thankfully i've passed every test and assignment now.. though it's a little better than a pass.. but not what i expected. i want to do better and i think it will do me good by having more time to study.

or perhaps it's just my poor time management. i dunno should i find out the cause and put a blame to soemthing and rectify it from there.

but i just keep worrying.. worrying about money, worrying about i will lose out if i study for 3 years and not much of a work experience to boost of.. oh well.. even charles told me not to worry so much.. he can still feed me.. but i dun like relying on others.. and i've been independent for too long it's in my blood =/

sometimes i really miss working.. wearing work clothes give me a sense of satisfaction. like i'm needed somewhere and i know where i stand. going to meetings and attending functions..

but i guess i should be back my 21 years of age now. go back to being a pure student. of cos, i'll keep finding things to make me 3 years worth while like how i did not regret taking a year out to work. i can proudly say that i have fully utilised my 1.5 year.

sleeping time again! tmr have to go back to work.. omg.

JAC.jac

- 1:27 AM